Where did the days go, when all we did was play?
10:36 pm
“Everyone thinks you make mistakes when you're young. But I don't think we make any fewer when we're grown up” - Jodi Picoult
I am 20 years of age and will be turning 21 in a couple of months
"Am I an adult now mummy?" I asked
* * *
People say, "you're 20, do you feel any different" and for the past few minutes of my birthday last year, I felt nothing. I felt the same at 19 as how I did at 20. But then after a while, I involuntarily felt a slight change in myself. One was my physical appearance ( i like to use age as an excuse when it comes to my body/weight) and apparently I did grow an extra inch! Second was how I approached things. I guess acting like an adult is somewhat similar to being confident. You either are or you're not, you either fake it or not. Being the queen of procrastination, I believe that it is something that would not fade with age. No matter how old I get and in fact, no matter how old anyone gets, you're still going to have that itch to procrastinate. May it be paying bills, going dishes and so on. Its a natural thing. And so, I don't think it's right for someone to claim that he or she is in fact mature when he or she stops procrastinating. I can bet 1000 bucks that no one on this Earth does not practice this unhealthy (or I must say healthy) act.
Being mature or how one defines it is quite subjective. You can have a mature way of seeing stuff or a mature approach towards issues or decisions, but not actually putting that mature thought of yours to practice. As for me, I can only share with you what I believe made me look and feel more matured in life.
I've been living alone (without parents) in London, England for about two years now and I've seen a drastic change. This however, applies to myself and how i think i matured if I might add. The first big step for me was taking care of myself knowing that my parents are not a 5 minute drive away. This meant that I had to buy my own medications, go for flu shots to prevent me from falling sick especially during winter, I had to make sure I ate enough so that no gastric shocks. I had to be so cautious and careful with whatever I did, so that I wouldn't have to call my parents are get them to catch a 14 hour flight to London from KL. We all know that flight tickets costs a bombshell these days.
Besides that I had to manage my money properly. My parents would give me a lump sum of money each month and I would have to budget and plan my money. What I can buy and what I can't. The first few months of my first year in London, i managed to save quite a lot, but that was because i was really really careful with my money, as well as having the intention to spend my saved lump sum on items that I fancy or nice restaurants that I would like to try.
Next was the fact that I had to do thing myself. Though who know me, I have this thing about doing things myself. One time back in KL, my dad asked me whether I wanted to get ice-cream at Mc Donalds. Sure, I told him... When we approached the two yellow arches, there weren't any available parking slots. My dad told me that if I wanted it I would have to go down myself. "Nevermind then" I said. Sacrificing the delicious and smooth vanilla ice-cream; just because I didn't want to go down alone. I know its bad, and I might come off as confident but I feel like people are staring or judging me and I hate it. What changed me was when my cousin urgently needed me to transfer money into her account and I couldn't do it online. I have never transferred money from the machines at the bank and I honestly didn't want to. Im saying that i was scared and shy and not that I didn't want to lend her money (disclaimer). She needed it urgently and Im her cousin. She should be able to count on me. I decided to go. I rushed to the train station and got the barclays to transfer money.I know it doesn't sound like much but to a person like me; who is afraid of doing simple things alone, I guess it was a big step for me. I even had the guts to ask some guys there to help me.
Just L O L at me already
Studying was never an option for me before. I always thought that I could wriggle myself out of a situation with no problems. I was wrong. Whoever made me think way, you suck cause life is not that easy. In high school, I never bothered about studying. Sure it didn't feel good when you're grades are just average, but I did want to excel in my academics. I wanted to be known as the girl with the brains and bronze. When I flunked my a levels, that was the big wake up call for me. I knew that when my parents sent me off to London, it would be a big step and it would cost my parents so much. I felt guilty. Eventhough I was excited about my new life in London and all the things i want to see and experience a part of me knew that I could not attain that laziness of mine. I had to force myself, buck up and study. Whether i like it or not, I had to do well. I could fail my parents, not again. Thus, that was my main drive. To make my parents proud.
Private tutors are easy to find in Malaysia. Almost every goes for private tutoring. If not, they would go to tutoring centres like Ilmu Studio, Maths Clinic and so on. But in England, I didnt have that privilege. I had to depend on myself and myself alone to understand things taught in the tutorials. I had to force myself to pay attention in class as the lecturer would be presenting his lecture to another 300kids in the lecture theatre. Although note books/ text books were provided by the university, they were mainly brief Research is vital. You either do it or don't Do it and pass, not do it and fail. We are talking about going beyond wikipedia. Books, newspapers, articles online you name it. Basically i had to manage my time and balance between pleasure and studies. Honestly, during finals this year, i had to work utterly hard just because (1) I started studying 2 months before- the whole term lectures (2) I didn't have anon to discuss with or help me. Those were my main struggles. Nevertheless, I received my results last night and I had passed. Better than expected, a 2:1. Although it was not a first class, a 2:1 is a second highest score you're able to achieve for a UK degree. I was very proud because I happened to attain those grades without any help from anyone, even tutors.
What I'm saying is that, my idea of being mature is similar to being responsible. I managed to set my priorities straight, managed my time and money, gained some confidence as well as achieving my goals. Then again, maturity comes with change. A change that comes like the wind and is not forced. Maybe its something that comes with age. But thats arguable.
“Growing up is hard, love. Otherwise everyone would do it.” ― Kim Harrison, Pale Demon
SJY
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