These words that have been running through my head as if in an infinity race for the past few months actually. What do you expect from a relationship? What shouldn't you expect? Every relationship needs to give and take. They must compromise and understand each other. In whatever situation , both parties must work together so that their relationship will be nurtured , nourished and free from arguments and misunderstandings.

They need to understand each other, talk to each other and not bottle up emotions thinking that you're able to handle it alone. Trying to be as honest as I am, I am guilty of this. I am guilty of bottling up all my emotions. I keep them bottled up way deep down in my heart and I would leave it there. I would wait and let my emotions overflow from the dark bottle on the floor of my heart. In a matter of time, I burst out and become this utterly destructive monster where I cry and am not capable in pulling myself together as if I am a heroine addict aggressively hounding a stranger for money to buy more drugs. As if I am hulk, angry with what he has become. I advised myself not to do this again, however I never seem to come to terms with my promises and advice. I let myself go through the same pain over and over again.Trust me, going through this alone isn't a piece of cake.

I then learned the art of expressing myself through painting and sketching, basically art. Though I thought it helped at first, however not so anymore. A few days back, I was thinking about all the nights I went through alone, all the bad thoughts I had, everything.... I never really had anyone to talk to. When I couldn't stand it anymore, I turned to the one person that I knew wouldn't judge me, would listen and comfort me no matter what.

My mother

It started off as a small conversation between mother and daughter. The conversation then changed topics every few minutes leading to my "emotional wreck" chapter. I then realized I was talking to her about it. A part of me felt somewhat scared. Scared of what she'd think of me. But no, she listened. She listened to me. I told her everything, about the way I felt, what I was thinking etc. As a mother, she evidently gave me her motherly advice.I teared up a bit, hopefully she didn't notice. I could tell she knew how I felt and that she was sad when listening to all my sorrows.  I felt so much better talking to her.

And at that moment, I felt infinite. If I could clutch that moment we had, I would. I know she would always be there for me no matter what. No matter how screwed up things get. She would always be there for me and would catch me when I fall. I am glad to have her as a mother. She is my life, my savour, my everything. I am honestly blessed to have such a caring and loving mother. 

Alhamdulillah

SJY